Through The Storm
by x-Leyton4Life-x
Summary: An idyllic life is what they had, until one tragedy changed it all. Sick of Lucas drinking and coming home late Peyton kicks him out of the house. Will this give him the incentive to get over the pain or will he continue on his downward spiral? LP
1. Tragedies

_**AN: Another new story I know slap my hand lol. Don't worry I haven't given up on my other stories I've just had a serious case of writers block lately and this idea has been floating around in my head for a while now so I thought I may as well write it until inspiration for my other fics comes back.**_

_**Summary: An idyllic life is what they had everyone envied them. They had it all, the perfect house, the career and the most adorable five year old daughter anyone could wish for. However, one tragedy ruins everything and Peyton has no choice but to make Lucas move out. Will this finally give him the incentive to get over the pain and be there for his family again, or will he just continue on his downward spiral?**_

**Through the storm**

**Chapter 1 – Tragedies**

Storms. They rage and cause destruction; they are violent and attack suddenly and ultimately they can have disastrous effects. Lucas and Peyton lived the idyllic lifestyle, they had everything they could ever hope for and more, they were often seen as perfect and envied by many until a storm caused a major wave in their marriage and tore their family apart. Now they were barely hanging together, now they were pitied and people felt sorry for them, now they were pretty much nothing.

A tragedy is considered as an event that results in great loss and misfortune, but somehow that didn't seem to compare to what Lucas and Peyton had been through; it didn't come close. It was so much more than a great loss, it was a like a piece of them disappeared, they no longer felt whole but simply empty and bitter.

As she packed the remainder of his belongings a tear escaped Peyton's saddened green emerald eyes. She never thought it would come to this, she never thought their lives would take a turn for the worse, well at least not something as drastic as this. They could always get through anything as long as they had each other but neither one of them were prepared for the tragedy that befell their family. It was too much for them to handle and ultimately it ripped them apart. Everything in their lives ran so smoothly, to the outsiders they had it all, people envied them. They had the successful career, the big house, the two cars and the perfect little girl. They had it all but unfortunately it didn't last, their idyllic life was destroyed by one fatal accident on a seemingly normal day to anyone else. However, that day would haunt them both. It would never be forgotten no matter how hard they tried to erase the memory from their minds.

She tried her hardest to make things work, she remained patient telling herself that he would get over it eventually and would come to her in his own time but who was she kidding they would never get over something like this. It was something that they would carry around with them forever, there would always be this ache in her heart, a pain of what could have been, there was no getting over it but she unlike Lucas had learned to live with it the best she could. She had to go on living for her career, for herself, for her friends, for Lucas and most importantly for Anna, her daughter whom she loved with everything she had. If it wasn't for the little girl who brought such joy to her life she probably wouldn't have been able to cope, she probably would have given up but the little girl was her reason for carrying on, her reason for living, she gave her the courage and the strength to get through all the pain she had endured and would continue to endure. She wished Lucas would have opened up to her during this hard time, she wished he would have helped her through the pain so that she could have helped him too, but he didn't instead he refused to deal with the tragedy that had happened four months ago and instead he turned to alcohol and fell into a state of depression.

She knew it was the final straw today when he didn't return home for their daughter's fifth birthday party. Anna was distraught and Peyton had to lie for him and make some excuse about his job which she hated doing but she didn't want Anna to have any reason to hate her father and she didn't want their daughter to think she wasn't loved by her father, no child should have to feel like that. However, she couldn't keep living like this, she didn't want Anna to see her father in the state he was always in, she had already witnessed enough of their arguments lately and it wasn't fair to either of them. She always asked for her daddy to tuck her into bed at night and it broke Peyton's heart because he was never home and their daughter was suffering because of it. She had to make a change and although it broke her own heart to do this, she knew she was doing the right thing. She couldn't wait around anymore wishing for him to go back to his former self, she had to take action and get on with her life.

She placed his suitcase in the foyer before taking a seat in the lounge. She flicked through an old scrapbook of when they were happy, when they were younger, when love was enough and more tears fell down her face as she came to the realisation that it was all in the past, the present was a completely different story. Even though this was breaking her heart she continued flipping through the pages, feeling the need to take one last look before she moved on without him. She stared at their wedding photo. It was a beautiful day, they opted for an outdoor ceremony, it wasn't huge or extravagant but everyone who was important to them was present and that was all they wanted. Brooke was her maid of honour, and she even made her the most beautiful wedding gown she could have ever dreamed of. It took place by a beautiful lake and was truly one of the best days of her life along with the birth of their daughter. She continued through some more memories until she reached the birth of Anna. Karen took a picture of the three of them the day she was born, literally minutes after she had entered the world. Peyton didn't look her best after being in labour for an excruciating amount of time but she didn't care, she was holding this bundle of joy, a life that she and Lucas had created together and that was all that mattered. They named their daughter Anna Brooke Scott and she weighed a healthy 7lbs 2oz. Brooke and Nathan were chosen as godparents and they played an active role in Anna's life. Anna was also extremely close with Jamie, Nathan and Haley's son. Being two years older he would always play the big brother role and look out for her, which Peyton adored about the young boy who seemed to care so much about other people. She touched the picture with her fingertips as a tear slid down her face. Not being able to take much more she snapped the book shut and broke down into a sob, she couldn't look at any more photos, the emotions getting the best of her. How could their lives go from blissfully happy to agonizing and full of sorrow? She wasn't prepared for the drastic change their lives had taken. She didn't want to believe this is what became of their lives but she knew the truth, they were broken and being fixed seemed like a distant thought, very distant; at this moment it just seemed literally impossible.

It was nearing two o' clock, she contemplated going to bed but she knew she wouldn't get any sleep tonight. She hadn't been sleeping properly for four months but tonight would be even harder because it would be the first night without Lucas; he may have always came home late but he was always there and this would be her first night without him. She stayed in her spot on the couch waiting for him to return home because she knew she had to do this tonight before she lost all her strength and backed out. She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the front door open and then close and before she knew it the sound of footsteps were approaching the lounge.

After a few moments of nervous hand twitching on her part he entered the room and was surprised to see her sitting there.

"What are you still doing up?" he asked, his voice empty like it had been for the last four months.

She took a deep breath and went for the direct approach wanting this to be over as soon as possible, her heart not being able to stand much more pain.

"Your suitcase is by the door"

"Okay and may I ask why?" he said confused.

She could smell the alcohol on his breath and clothes; it was nothing new. This is how he had been coming home for a while now, she had just chosen to ignore it hoping it was just a phase but even she knew this had gone on far too long.

"I want you to leave" she said her voice hoarse.

"What do you mean you want me to leave?" he asked angrily.

"It is what it is" she replied looking at the floor.

"Peyton I live here!" he shouted.

"Shhh you'll wake Anna up"

"Then explain why I have to leave" he said as they stood face to face, the anger boiling throughout his body and showing clearly on his flushed face.

"I can't live like this anymore"

"Like what?"

"You know how. You've been coming home late smelling of alcohol for months and it was the final straw today when I had to explain to our crying daughter why her daddy wasn't at her birthday party. You're not the one who has had to tuck her into bed every night when she wanted you instead and you're not the one who has to hear a little child crying because she misses her father who is never home!" she yelled louder than she intended but she had kept her cool for four months, she had let him do as he pleased and now she was at breaking point.

A look of guilt washed over his face as he started to realise the pain his actions were causing to his family. "Peyton I'm sorry but we can talk about this, there's no need for something as hasty as me moving out"

"I'm afraid there is, I can't take much more of this and Anna needs stability she doesn't get that from us anymore, you're either never here or when you are we're arguing and she has to witness it. I won't put my daughter through that anymore"

"She's my daughter too" he whispered in response.

"Yes she is but you haven't been a father to her in the last four months and I refuse to let her go through any more pain"

Deep down he knew she was right but he had never been prepared for the tragic event that happened to them. He couldn't deal with it and as a result he closed himself off from everyone he cared about and in the process he hurt them, more than he ever realised and ever intended but he hurt them nonetheless. He loved his family but the pain had been too much that he had forgotten that they had needed him as well.

"We can work through this" he pleaded with her; a last attempt that he already knew was pointless.

"No we can't. At least not right now anyway…you need to prove to me and to Anna that you are still the same man we love because we haven't seen him for months and until he comes back we can't work through anything" she replied honestly but the sorrow was present in her voice. He knew this was hard for her, he knew she didn't want it to come to this but it had and there was no going back now.

He nodded his head finally coming to terms with what she was saying, "Can I at least say goodbye to Anna"

"She's sleeping and I don't want you to wake her up, she will only get upset that you're leaving"

"I won't wake her up, I just want to see her before I leave" he replied.

"Okay"

He made his way up the stairs to his daughter's room, a room he hadn't stepped foot in for longer than he realised. He opened the door being careful not to make a noise and wake the sleeping child. He approached her bed and stared at her with a sad smile on his face. He had inadvertently hurt not only his wife but also his innocent child. She was always such a daddy's girl and he had caused her a lot of pain by not being the father she expected him to be, the father she needed him to be and most of all the father she knew he could be and wanted him to be. He gently stroked her blonde curls and a tear fell from his blue eyes as he gently kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry princess…daddy never meant to make you cry" he whispered as more tears fell from his eyes. He couldn't believe he had caused his little girl pain, a father is meant to protect their child, make them happy, make them feel secure and loved but he had done the opposite and he hated himself for it. He placed one more kiss to her head before quietly exiting the room.

"You can still see her, I'll arrange set times for you to have her if you want" Peyton said as he made his way into the foyer where she was waiting for him.

"Yeah I'd like that"

"Okay well I guess this is it" Peyton said trying her hardest not to break down until after he had left.

He grabbed his suitcase and placed a kiss to Peyton's cheek "Bye Peyton I'm sorry for everything"

And then he was gone.

"Bye Lucas" she whispered as she broke down into sobs right there on the floor. Her body shook; never had she cried so much in her entire life. A big part of her wanted to run after him but she knew she had made the right decision for them. If they ever had a chance at being the family they used to be this had to be done.

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**AN: Hope you liked it!! Reviews would be nice :)**


	2. Echoes, Silence and Pain

**Chapter 2 – Echoes, silence and pain**

Adjusting to life without Lucas Scott was going to be harder than she originally thought. She had woken up extremely early after tossing and turning for most of the night. Everything felt different now, the bed seemed bigger and colder, it no longer provided her with the warmth and comfort it used to and she knew it was because his side was empty. The house overall seemed huge, it was quite a big house anyway but she never realised how big until now. It was so much quieter; she could literally hear the echoes of her own voice, as well as her footsteps, sounds she never used to notice until now. The house no longer felt homely, it didn't feel like the house where she had first moved in with Lucas, where they brought their daughter home for the first time and watched her grow, it felt hollow. Loneliness overwhelmed her now, a feeling she had been feeling for the last four months but somehow since she asked Lucas to leave it had gotten worse, something she didn't think was possible but she had been proven wrong. It wasn't that she was actually alone, she had her daughter, she had her best friend and brother in law but even when surrounded by all those people she still felt alone inside.

She was dreading telling their daughter that her father wasn't living with them anymore. She knew how close Anna was to her father, how much she adored and loved him but she also knew the pain her daughter had been feeling these past months and she wanted to put a stop to that. She didn't want Anna to end up resenting her father when she was older.

"Hi mommy" Anna said as she skipped into the kitchen happily.

"Hi sweetie, did you sleep well?" she asked leaving her previous thoughts behind and focusing solely on her daughter.

"Yeah" she sighed and Peyton instantly picked up on the sadness in her voice.

"What's wrong Anna?"

"I didn't get to see daddy on my birthday, its what I wished for and it didn't come true"

"I'm sorry sweetie, but you know this is a really hard time for daddy" Peyton said not wanting Anna to think less of him even if he did deserve it.

"I know" she sighed again.

"Daddy loves you, you know that right?" she asked her daughter crouching down to her level and placing her hands on the little girl's shoulders.

"I know you love me and uncle Nathan and aunt Brooke" she replied sadly and Peyton's heart broke right there. Her daughter didn't think her father loved her; she never wanted her to feel that way. She pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly wanting her to feel how much she was loved. When they broke apart, she ran her hand through Anna's blonde curls and smiled.

"We need to talk about your daddy" she said bracing herself for what she was about to do.

"Okay" Anna replied innocently only making this harder for Peyton.

"Daddy isn't going to be living with us anymore" she said as gently as she possibly could even though she knew it would hurt their daughter regardless.

"Why?" Anna replied on the verge of tears.

"You know we've all been sad these past months?"

"Yes" Anna replied thinking back over the tragic events.

"Well daddy still hasn't accepted it, he's still really sad and that's why he hasn't been around as much as he should have"

"But you're sad and you're still here" she tried to reason.

"I know honey, but I've learned to live with the pain and your daddy hasn't"

"But shouldn't we help him?" she asked sweetly.

"I tried sweetie but we need some time apart, we need to give your daddy some space to come to terms with everything so that when he comes home he will be the daddy you know and love"

"But I miss him" she said tears slipping down her face. Peyton went to wipe them away but Anna backed away from her and then ran up to her room. She was like her mother in that respect, she didn't like people to see her cry, and she didn't like people feeling sorry for her. Even though she was only five years old she was extremely independent and preferred to deal with problems by herself, definitely a characteristic inherited by both her parents.

Peyton felt her own tears slip down her face; it was breaking her inside that she had lost her husband and now her daughter was broken hearted too, only causing her more excruciating pain. She couldn't take much more of this constant aching and sorrow, it was unbearable and unnatural. She wished she could have done something differently four months ago maybe then none of this mess would have happened, maybe then they would still be the perfect family that everyone idolised and aspired to be like but no matter how much she wanted to she knew it was impossible to go back in time.

She gave her daughter ten minutes to herself, knowing that she needed and wanted a little time to think things over and then she went up the stairs. She knocked softly on the door before entering. The sight only tore at her already broken heart some more. She was curled up in a ball silently crying, she looked so small, so fragile and vulnerable; no child of her age should feel like that. She sat herself on the side of the bed and wiped the tears off her daughter's cheek.

"Leave me alone" she said as she buried her face in her pillow.

"Sweetie"

"No you made daddy leave" she said only making Peyton feel worse than she already did.

"Anna look at me"

The little girl reluctantly lifted her head from the pillow and turned to face her mother. "I love you and right now daddy can't live with us"

"But why?"

"You know why sweetheart"

"But he's my dad, he should be here" she objected.

"I know and you'll still get to see him, he will take care of you and spend time with you on set days of the week"

"So I'll still get to see him?" she asked still needing some reassurance.

"Of course you will princess, I would never take your father away from you and he loves you remember that"

She nodded her head and then flung her arms around Peyton's neck tightly. Peyton responded to the emblem of affection and wrapped her arms around the little girl, placing small kisses to her head. "I love you baby girl"

"I love you too mommy"

"Now get dressed so I can drop you off at Nathan's" Peyton said as the embrace broke. Anna nodded before opening her closet and choosing an outfit with the help of her mother.

"Do you need any help?" Peyton asked as Anna started to change out of her pyjamas.

"No I can do it myself" she replied, her independent nature kicking in.

"Okay I'll go start on breakfast"

With breakfast eaten and both girls ready for the day ahead they pulled up outside Nathan and Haley's house. Peyton unfastened Anna from her car seat and then took her hand as they walked up the driveway and knocked on the door.

"Oh Haley hi" she said surprised to see her there. "I thought you'd be at work" she added nervously. The truth was she and Haley had argued about Lucas a lot recently and Haley being Lucas' best friend would always defend him, so they weren't on the best of terms right now.

"I'm just on my way" she replied.

"Well is Nathan here?"

Before she could respond the brunette in question appeared at the door. "Hi Peyton, hi Anna banana" he said happily ruffling her hair. Nathan and Anna had a close bond, he was her favourite uncle, and everyone knew it.

"Hey look I know its short notice but I was wondering whether you could watch Anna? I hate to just spring this on you but the school has a teacher training day and I've got to get to work"

"I'd be happy to" Nathan said taking hold of the little girl's hand.

"Why doesn't Lucas have her?" Haley asked in an impolite tone and Nathan shot her a warning look.

"I'll pick her up soon" Peyton replied ignoring Haley's comment not wanting to get into an argument in front of her daughter. Everyone knew that they had been having problems and she found it rude and insensitive of Haley to bring that up. "Come say bye to mommy" Peyton said crouching down and opening her arms wide for Anna. They shared a quick embrace and kiss before she left with a 'thank you' to Nathan and 'be good' to Anna.

Now at work Peyton was catching up on some important paperwork regarding her latest artist. She had really been slacking in the work department since that tragic accident four months prior. She ran her own record label called 'Red Bedroom Records' and since she had been very successful it didn't harm her financial state but she knew she had to get things moving again, it wasn't fair to her artists who had been nothing but patient and understanding these last few months and it also wasn't fair to herself, she had worked hard to get where she was and she refused to throw it all away.

She picked up the phone and dialled the number, after a few rings she picked up "Hi its Peyton I'm sorting out all the paperwork as we speak and I know I let you use the studio while I was gone so if you could drop off all your material and then we can get started on making your record. I'm also in talks with getting you on tour so we need to get this record put together pretty fast"

"You sure you're ready?"

"Yep I'm back for good, this company won't run itself" she replied and after a little more conversation they hung up.

Meanwhile at Tree Hill High Haley was on her lunch break grading some papers and sipping coffee. Usually she would go to the teacher's lounge but these papers needed grading urgently and she didn't want to be up all night so she decided to make better used of her lunch hour. She was distracted when the door opened and Lucas walked in.

"Hey Lucas" she said with a smile.

"Hi Hales" he replied and she could instantly tell something was wrong.

"You okay?" she asked gesturing for him to take a seat next to her.

"Not really"

"Well what happened?"

"Peyton kicked me out"

"I can't believe her" she replied angrily.

"Don't be mad at her Haley, it was for the best"

"No its not, you should be with your family, especially after everything that's happened. Nathan shouldn't be looking after Anna, she should be with her father"

"Wait Nathan is with Anna? Where's Peyton?"

"Peyton's gone to work and Anna's school has a teacher training day"

"Why didn't she ask me to have her?" he wondered out loud the sadness present in his voice.

"I asked her the same question but she ignored me. Where are you staying anyway?" she asked concerned for her friend's welfare.

"My mom's place"

"She didn't sell up?"

"No she decided to keep it in case she decides to move back" he replied. Karen and Lily had been travelling with Andy and at the moment had decided to settle and live with him rather than return home. However, Karen refused to sell up since she would always regard to Tree Hill as her home and there were too many precious memories in that house. It was a place she would always cherish and love and would be the place she would always return to for special occasions.

After a few moments of silence Lucas stood up "I'll see you later Hales there's something I have to do"

Meanwhile at the studio Peyton and her artist, named Melissa had just finished listening to the first draft of what would hopefully be her debut album.

"That sounds perfect" Peyton said as she listened over her artists latest tracks.

"You think?"

"Of course…this is going to be a fantastic album" she replied showing her artist some support and encouragement. She felt bad for not being more of help to her artists. She didn't want to hold them back from their dreams; she was the person who was meant to further their career and make their dreams come true; yet lately she had been everything but. "I'll get it into production ASAP, looks like that tour is in reach after all"

"Thank you so much" she replied excitedly.

"Don't thank me, this is my job but you're the one with the talent I'm just helping you get it out to the rest of the world"

They said their goodbyes and then Peyton went back to the all important paperwork she still had to do.

"Why does Nathan have Anna when you know I would be more than willing to look after her" Lucas said as he barged into her office.

"Lucas what are you doing here?" she asked exasperated. It was really hard being around him after everything that had happened. She never wanted to kick him out of the house but he left her no choice and she couldn't handle spending time with him when it only broke her heart more and more.

"Just answer the question Peyton!" he said the anger present in his voice.

"Fine!" she replied in the same tone "I wasn't sure whether you would want to have her. You haven't been yourself for months and for all I knew you were in bed nursing another hangover, sorry if I don't want to leave my daughter in the hands of an alcoholic"

"I'm not an alcoholic and she is my daughter too! Stop talking about her as if I am not her father, I may not have been around for a while but I still love her"

"Well she doesn't think so. I'm the one who had to comfort her AGAIN this morning because she feels like her own father doesn't love her! She was so upset because her wish of seeing you on her birthday didn't come true. How screwed up is that?"

"Well you're the one who kicked me out! You're the one who isn't letting me see her!" he replied full of rage.

"I kicked you out for good reason I can't have Anna in an unstable environment any longer its not good for her. I have never stopped you from seeing her I told you we will arrange set times so that Anna has a routine and we will, just let me know when is convenient for you, I wouldn't want her to get in the way of your trips to the bars"

Instead of replying he stormed off, that last comment cutting him deeper than he thought it would. Deep down he knew he had been a terrible father to Anna, he knew he had put alcohol before his family but hearing it from his wife's mouth only made it all the more real. He wanted to make things right, he wanted to go back to being the perfect husband and father he used to be but he didn't know how. He was still so consumed with pain and anger from what had happened to them that he didn't know how to move forward.

Peyton watched him leave and then sighed sinking back down into her chair, she never wanted this to happen to them but it had and there was nothing she could do about it. She hated arguing with Lucas but it had become a regular thing ever since that terrible day so as sad as it sounds she had gotten used to it. They used to be the perfect couple, so in love, always affectionate, always there for one another, they never yelled at one another like they did now but that day changed everything, none of it for the better.

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**_AN: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews so far I hope you liked the update :)_**

**_Feel free to guess what happened, I'd love to read everyone's speculations and don't worry it will be revealed soon!!_**


	3. One step forward, two steps back

**_AN: Sorry for the wait, I'm not going to make an excuse since I don't really have one but I hope you enjoy the update :)_**

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**Chapter 3 – One step forward, two steps back**

Overwhelmed. That is what Peyton felt now, but it wasn't the excited and happy overwhelming feeling that you often get when you are pleasantly surprised; no instead it was the complete opposite. It was the type of overwhelming feeling that makes you feel like you can't breathe, like everything is just too much for one person to handle. That is how Peyton felt. She had so many responsibilities and so little time, she felt like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders but somehow she coped, just like she always did. She had no other option but to continue on with the daily tasks of her life.

She wasn't one to complain. She knew she had things to be grateful for, she had been successful, she had a roof over her head, she had a beautiful daughter, amazing friends but sometimes she just felt like she had to do everything herself. She had been feeling this way since Lucas closed himself off. Before the incident they both shared all the responsibilities equally and Lucas being an author would often work from home so whenever Anna needed taking care of he was there, not to mention he would always keep on top of the housework for her so that when she came home she could relax, and when he was in an extremely good mood he would even have dinner ready on the table. But now in the present time everything was different, she had to do all that and more because she was alone with a five year old and a demanding career. She had contemplated getting a nanny but was still uncertain; she didn't feel comfortable leaving Anna in the care of a stranger and she knew Anna would probably feel the same way. She knew there was a solution to this and it was Lucas, since he had stopped writing after the tragedy he had plenty of free time. She knew Anna would love to spend time with her father who she missed dearly but she wasn't sure whether he was stable enough to handle the responsibility of a five year old. He was a great father, she would never deny that but the past months he didn't show affection or emotion to anyone, so she had every right to be a little sceptical at leaving her with him. However, she knew Lucas wanted to see her badly and she promised she would not take either of them away from each other.

After a few deep breaths she picked up the phone and nervously tapped in the digits to his number. After a few rings he picked up.

"Hello"

"Hi its me…Peyton"

"Hey" he replied surprised to be hearing from her, especially after that fight the other day.

"Look I thought we could arrange some times for you to take care of Anna"

"Yeah I'd really like that…I miss her" he said and she picked up on the genuine tone of his voice.

"She misses you too, she talks about you all the time" she replied with a smile thinking back on the good times, their memories as a family, she would do anything to get that back.

"Peyton I'm sorry about the other day"

"Can we please not talk about it" she said not wanting to go over the painful memories of their non-existent relationship. She didn't need reminding of their arguments, they had had enough that she wouldn't forget any time soon.

He sighed down the phone but instead of causing another argument he changed the subject back to the original purpose of this call. "So when can I have Anna?"

"Well I was thinking you could pick her up three days a week from school and spend a few hours with her until I'm finished at the office and then we can sort out things for the weekends"

"Sounds great"

"Good so how does tomorrow sound?"

"Works for me"

"Okay well I'll tell Anna, she'll be so excited"

"Thank you Peyton"

"For what?" she asked slightly confused.

"For not cutting me out of her life"

"You know I would never do that…she is our daughter after all"

He smiled. It had been a while since she had referred to Anna as their daughter; lately she had only referred to her as her own. This was progress on their part, it wasn't huge but it was something and that something gave Lucas hope that not everything was doomed for him and Peyton. They said their goodbyes and then hung up the phone.

The car pulled up outside the school. She unbuckled Anna from her seat and helped her daughter out of the car and onto the pavement. She crouched down to her level and placed a kiss to her forehead.

"Remember daddy will be picking you up today"

"I know mommy" she replied. It was something she had been excited about all morning.

"Okay now have a good day" Peyton said as she dropped Anna off at her class.

"I'm gonna draw you a picture" she said with a bright smile.

"Aw thanks sweetie" Peyton replied giving her daughter one last hug before she left to go to work.

Peyton walked into her office surprised to find Haley sitting there. The two had barely spoken with one another because every time they tried to have a civil conversation they would somehow end up arguing about Lucas. The blonde sighed as she walked and sat behind her desk, she wasn't in the mood for another argument but something told her this encounter would lead to one no matter how much she tried to avoid it.

"What do you want Haley?" she asked as she flipped through some papers trying to busy herself.

"I heard you kicked Lucas out of the house"

"Then you heard correct" Peyton replied refusing to make eye contact. She had a busy schedule and that did not include having to justify her actions to Haley. It had nothing to do with her; it had nothing to do with anyone other than herself and Lucas. She always kept out of Nathan and Haley's personal problems yet for some reason she refused to do the same.

"Peyton don't you think that's a little harsh? He is going through hell right now"

The blonde snapped her head up at that comment. It angered her more than she thought it would and she knew now that the argument had already begun.

"Harsh? He's going through hell?" the blonde questioned infuriated. Haley didn't respond so she continued "What about me Haley? What about what I went through? What I'm still going through? What about what I had to feel?" she said as a few tears escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She didn't think this would be the start to her day. She was trying to put it all behind her, she was trying to get on with her life but she knew she wasn't over it, she knew she was keeping everything bottled up inside and she knew it wasn't healthy.

"Peyton I"

"No!" the blonde shouted interrupting her. "You have no idea what I've been through because you didn't seem to care, you only cared about Lucas' pain but what about me Haley? I feel like a piece of me is missing but I carry on because I have Anna to think about, you know my daughter, the same little girl who cried her eyes out because her daddy wasn't at her birthday party, the same little girl who asks for her father to tuck her into bed at night but he was never there. You don't know what its been like. You don't know what it feels like when your husband comes home drunk every night……and he blamed me Haley, he blamed everything that happened on me. I already felt guilty, I still feel like it was my fault; but hearing it from the man I loved made it all the more real and…and I can't even begin to describe how that made me feel."

By this time Peyton had broken down on the floor. She couldn't contain the tears; she didn't have the strength to fight them anymore. She felt Haley crouch down beside her and wrap her arms around her. She heard the soft whispers of "I'm sorry" in her ear and she felt the gentle and soothing hands stroking her back and hair. A big part of her wanted to push her away but she just didn't have the strength to do it, she felt worn down and helpless so she held onto her tightly and cried. She cried for all the pain she had been through, for all the pain she was still going through and would forever carry around with her.

It was almost three o'clock as Lucas stood outside of his daughter's classroom nervously pacing up and down. He hadn't had a real conversation with his daughter for a long time and he was nervous to say the least. He didn't know how she was going to react to seeing him again, would she be overjoyed, mad, upset, all of the above? He didn't know and it was torturing him. His thoughts were interrupted when the classroom door opened and the teacher started to let the children out to their parents. He eagerly waited for her to appear. After most of the children had left the room he saw her blonde curls in the crowd of children. She really was a miniature version of Peyton, she had the same unique hair, the delicate facial structure, she was beautiful, the only thing that she seemed to have inherited from him physically were her blue eyes, they were an exact replica of her father's.

"Anna" he called after seeing her look around but since she wasn't the tallest in her class she was struggling to see over the other children's heads.

"Daddy!" she cheered happily as she ran into his arms.

He hugged her back with just as much enthusiasm and then whispered into her ear "I missed you princess"

She pulled away from her father and then spoke seriously "I missed you too, you haven't been a very good daddy lately"

"I know sweetie and I'm sorry…I've just been really sad and I know I should have been there for you and mommy but I promise you everything is going to get better now"

"You promise?"

"I promise"

"I love you daddy" Anna said as they both made their way to the car.

"I love you too sweetheart don't you ever forget that" he replied placing a kiss to her forehead.

They spent the rest of the afternoon at Karen's house. They baked cookies, watched cartoons and Lucas finally started to re-bond with his daughter. She was innocent in all of this and he knew he had been wrong to cut her out. She was young, she didn't understand the pain they were feeling; the only thing she felt was her daddy not being there for her anymore. He vowed to himself that from now on he would be the father she deserved.

"You best get your things together Anna, its time to take you home" Lucas said as he brought her coat into the lounge.

"When are you coming home daddy?"

"I don't know sweetie"

"But I miss you" she pleaded giving him her puppy dog eyes. The very same eyes both Lucas and Peyton could never resist.

"I miss you too"

"Don't you want to come home?" she questioned.

"Of course I do Anna but I wasn't very nice to your mommy and we need some time apart"

"Tell mommy your sorry"

"I think its going to take more than a sorry princess" he replied honestly and the little girl pouted not satisfied with his answer.

The sound of knocking from the front door brought Peyton out of her sleep. She hadn't been sleeping properly for months and after today she felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She pulled the blankets off of herself and made her way out of the lounge and to the front door. She opened it up to find Lucas and Anna. She smiled at their daughter who ran straight into her arms waving a piece of paper around.

"What you got there sweetie?" she asked and Anna pulled out of the embrace to show her mother the picture she had done for her.

"Its you, me and daddy, see" she said pointing to each person in her drawing.

A sad smile formed her face. This was what they used to be and yes she loved the picture Anna was extremely talented, but all it did was remind her of how much things had changed. "Its beautiful Anna, why don't you go put it on the fridge"

"Okay" she said cheerily skipping off into the kitchen.

"How was she?" Peyton asked finally acknowledging Lucas who had been stood in the doorway awkwardly.

"Good, she was no trouble at all" Lucas replied with a smile.

"That's great" she said tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, it always was a nervous habit of hers. As soon as she lifted her hand Lucas' eyes widened.

"Where's your ring?" he asked.

"What?" she replied confused.

He walked up to her and grabbed onto her wrist with force. This scared her; he had never been violent with her before. She tried to pull her arm free but his grasp was tight, too tight and he was far too strong for her.

"Let go of me"

"Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring?" he asked even though it came across as more of a demand.

"I…I"

"Answer me!" he shouted infuriated. He was angry but at the same time just extremely hurt. She was his wife and he couldn't understand why she wasn't wearing her ring. He still believed in them, he still loved her with all his heart but to him it seemed like she was giving up and that is what fuelled his anger.

"Stop it" At that they both turned in the direction where the voice came from and saw Anna, their little girl with tears in her eyes. She was frightened and upset. As soon as he saw her face he let go of Peyton's arm. He was meant to be making things better but he knew he had just made things a hell of a lot worse.

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**_AN: Thanks for the reviews so far!! Please let me know what you think :)_**


	4. Who we were

**Chapter 4 – Who we were**

"You said things were gonna get better…you promised" Anna said looking directly at her father before running up the stairs to her room.

Peyton sighed and leaned her body against the wall briefly closing her eyes. Inadvertently they had done it again, they had caused more pain to their innocent child. She was sick of it. She thought by making Lucas move out it would put an end to their daughter's pain but it hadn't, in fact it was just as bad as before.

"We've got to stop doing this Lucas, its not fair to Anna she's been through enough because of us"

"I know…you're right" Lucas replied ashamed of his actions. He hated himself for hurting his daughter again when he had promised her that things were going to change. "Can I go talk to her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea" she replied rubbing on her wrist, which was red and sore from his tight grasp.

"I need to apologise to her…please Peyton"

"Okay" she sighed out not wanting to argue any more and slightly scared in case he got physical again. It had shocked her and scared her more than he realised; Lucas had never done anything like that before she most definitely was not expecting it. "Just…tread carefully" she added not wanting him to upset Anna any more tonight.

"I will" he replied before ascending up the stairs.

He knocked on his daughter's bedroom door before slowly entering the room. She was buried in her bed covers; all that he could see was the top of her blond curls that were peaking out of her pink duvet. He nervously made his way to the bed and knelt down beside it.

"Anna" he said softly wanting her to look at him.

"Go away" she replied angrily.

"Anna please"

Silence.

He waited a few moments and then pulled the covers off of his daughter. She wasn't pleased, he could tell from the look on her face.

"I'm sorry sweetie" he said breaking the silence but she didn't seem satisfied with his apology. He couldn't blame her, he hadn't been there for her like a father should be for a long time and when he promised her things would change he let her down again. Why should she believe he was sorry now when he had already lied to her countless times?

"You scared mommy" she said in a small voice. The little girl was very perceptive of her mother's feelings and she noticed the look of fear on her mother's face mere moments ago.

"I know and I'm sorry…daddy was angry and I know I shouldn't have shouted and scared mommy"

"I wish things could go back to how they were" Anna said quietly with a sadness in her eyes.

Lucas swallowed the lump in his throat; this was really getting to him. Anna deserved a happy childhood, she deserved a mother and a father who would always be there for her and he hated that they had caused her pain; she was so innocent in everything.

"So do I" he whispered stroking her curls.

"Then why can't it?" she asked not understanding why things were like they were; surely if he too didn't like how things were he would make an effort to change them.

"I don't know sweetie…its complicated. Mommy and I have been through a lot of pain and I didn't handle it well"

The little girl nodded at her father understanding but he still noticed the sadness in her eyes; all she wanted was her mother and father back. Was that really too much for a five year old to ask?

"I'm still here" she whispered breaking the silence that had fallen over the dark room. She was five years old and every child at their age needs their parents, she was tired of seeing them argue, of not having her daddy living with them anymore. All she wanted was to feel loved and secure, all she wanted was to be happy.

"I know and I'm going to do my best to be here for you from now on"

"You should say sorry to mommy"

"Yeah I think your right"

"I'm always right daddy" she replied with a grin on her face and this brought a smile to his own face. He knew now he had to stop wallowing in self-pity, he had to step up and fight to get his family back, his wife and daughter deserved no less.

"Night night princess" he replied placing a kiss to the child's cheek and tucking her into bed. It was something she had missed for a long time, she was always a daddy's girl so it was hard for her to understand and come to terms with not having him around.

"Night daddy" she replied yawning.

He smiled at her before exiting the bedroom and nervously making his way downstairs to face his wife. He knew he shouldn't have grabbed her like that, he had never done anything to that degree before but seeing her without her wedding ring sent a surge of anger throughout his entire body; it was like something completely possessed and took over him. He hated to think she had given up on him, he knew he had been a lousy husband but he still loved her, he was still completely in love with her, he still wanted her and only her; that was something that would never change.

He found her in the lounge. She was sitting on the sofa looking deep in thought, she would occasionally rub her wrist and that is when he noticed the red mark that had formed, something he had caused. He felt terrible; he had not only failed at being a father but also at being a husband. He knew he had to change things but he didn't know what he could do, what she wanted him to do.

"Hey" he said quietly breaking her from her trance like state.

"Hey" she mumbled back.

"Anna's down for the night" he said approaching her and all she did was nod her head in response.

He knelt down in front of her and gently took hold of her hands. He kissed her softly on the wrist wanting to be affectionate and wanting her to know how truly sorry he was, how he never meant to hurt her. "Peyton I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter" she replied pulling her hands away from him.

"Yes it does. I shouldn't have reacted like that I'm sorry…I guess…I guess I thought you had given up on me and that thought alone hurt me so much that I wasn't thinking clearly. I love you Peyton and I know I haven't been myself since we lost"

"Don't" she said interrupting him. "I…I can't talk about that…its too…I just can't okay?"

"Okay" he replied not wanting to argue and understanding perfectly why she didn't want to talk about it. He hadn't talked about it properly since it happened because it was just too painful. He had taken the news worse than he probably should have but then again who's to say how he should have felt, how he should have dealt with it, when he should have let go? In fact no one unless they had been through it themselves could possibly begin to understand what he felt, and therefore had no right to tell him how he should be dealing with it.

"Can you just explain to me why you aren't wearing your wedding ring?" he asked calmly.

"I…Lucas…it"

He noticed she was stumbling over her words and that she really didn't want to get into it right now but he needed to know, he needed to understand where she was coming from and more importantly he wanted to understand. Their relationship was always so steady and strong and a major reason for that was because they always communicated with one another. The lack of communication in the last few months was another reason they were barely still married. He wanted to change that, he wanted them to work at their marriage and he knew that they needed effective communication in order for things to improve. They couldn't continue arguing all the time it wasn't getting them anywhere.

"Please Peyton"

"I…I haven't given up on you I just…every time I would catch a glimpse of my hand all it did was remind me of what we used to be and what we are now and…it was just too much…I guess I'm scared we'll never get that back you know…we'll never be the family we used to be" she replied softly and a few tears streamed down her face.

He lifted his hand and gently wiped them away with his thumb. He hadn't been this affectionate in a long time, and he could tell she was surprised she really wasn't used to it.

"We'll get there Peyton…if you want it back enough then we will get there"

"I'm so tired of fighting though" she whispered and he understood that perfectly. Peyton had been fighting her whole life; she rarely caught a break because there was always some sort of drama trying to ruin her life. Every time she would build herself up something else would come along and try to knock her back down. She was immensely strong but sometimes even the strongest of people fall. She was only human after all and everyone has their limits.

He pulled her off the sofa into his arms and to his surprise she didn't push him away, in fact she welcomed the embrace. They both sat on the floor in each other's arms, she clung onto him for dear life and he felt the tears soaking through his thin cotton shirt. He rubbed the back of her hair and whispered soothing words of comfort in her ear. He hated to see her in pain, he knew she had been through hell, he knew she was still going through anguish but his own pain had blinded him and as a result he didn't see the toll everything had taken on his wife in the past few months; not until now anyway.

She felt so tired, so vulnerable, especially since the day had been so exhausting. She had broken down once already in front of Haley and now she was doing the same with Lucas, she really was emotionally drained. There was a faint voice in the back of her head telling her this was progress, she had waited so long for any type of affection from him, for them to be able to turn to one another in this desperate time of need. She smiled slightly at the thought but she hadn't truly smiled for a long time, the only time she really smiled was when her daughter did something, whether that be making her laugh or making her proud her daughter had been the only one capable of making her smile.

She felt safe in his arms; they always did have that effect on her. They were strong and the feeling of them wrapped around her small frame made her feel more secure than she had in a long time. It was like no one could hurt her not while his arms were around her. She was happy to stay in this position forever but she wasn't that naïve she knew she had to face reality again. The world was still out there and she had no choice but to continue on with her life.

A few moments later he gently pulled away from her and looked into her glossy emerald eyes. He wiped the remaining tears away and took in her beauty, she was stunning to him regardless of her puffy red eyes and ruined make up, she was still his Peyton, the only woman who truly captivated him in every way possible. They hadn't been this close for a long time it felt surreal yet nice. It felt right and to Lucas it felt like home, something he hadn't felt for a while.

"I miss you Peyton" he said sincerely.

"What?"

"This whole week without you, ever since you kicked me out of the house it was like I finally opened my eyes…I need you and I miss you"

"I miss you too" she whispered as another tear streamed down her cheek; another tear that Lucas so lovingly wiped away.

He caressed her face with his hand, reacquainting himself with her; it had been far too long since he had last touched her and now he was relishing in the physical contact. Their eyes had locked, she wanted to look away but he always had such a strong effect on her, it was like a much stronger force was keeping her eyes fixed on him, something she really could not control. He smiled at her and she shyly smiled back at him, then he focused in on her lips and couldn't control his head from moving closer to her, from closing the distance between them.

Before she had the time to register what was happening his mouth was on hers. The kiss was soft, it surprised her, it was gentle and undemanding; she wasn't expecting that type of affection from him. It was simply a soft press of lips to lips, meant to reassure and soothe her, meant to show her just how much he still cared about her. However, that simple kiss stirred up heat between the two, resulting in passion erupting and taking over them both. Her hands found the back of his neck while his hands ended up buried in her curls both feeling the need to be closer to one another. Their lips continued to crash together conveying passion, longing and love. The want and need for one another was so overpowering that neither could seem to pull away. Lucas tried to deepen the kiss by licking the seams of her lips, wanting entrance so badly, needing to explore her mouth fully but it was that very action that reminded Peyton what she was doing and with those thoughts running through her mind she pulled away from him and stood up distancing herself from him.

"Peyton what's wrong?" he asked genuinely confused.

"I can't…its too…I just can't okay"

"Its okay…we don't have to do anything" he replied making his way towards her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and titled her head up so he could make eye contact. "I know things can't magically go back to how they were, I know it will take work and time but I'm willing to fight for this family"

"I'm still hurting Lucas and you haven't been there through it all I needed you and you weren't there…I…I don't know if I have the strength to fight right now. I'm still dealing with everything and I don't want us to disrupt Anna's life even more than we already have." She replied pulling herself from his arms

"I want to be there for you Peyton…I want us to be there for each other"

"I just…I need time Lucas."

He sighed but didn't start an argument reminding himself how pointless they really were. He also wanted to prove to his wife that he was still the same man she fell in love with all those years ago. He knew he had lost his true self for a while and he was finally starting to see things clearly. It really is amazing how one push from his wife changed everything. Ever since she made the decision to kick him out of the house he realised how selfish he had been and he really want to change that, he wanted so badly to return to who he used to be.

"If time is what you need then I will give you time but remember I'm here Peyton and I'm trying. You said you wanted your husband back…I'm here"

With that he placed a soft kiss to her cheek and exited the house. A few silent tears ran down her face. She didn't know what to do. Having her husband back and being the family they used to be was everything she wanted but she felt conflicted. She was scared in case they couldn't make things work. She was scared in case she let him back in and then her heart got broken all over again. She also didn't know how they could get back to how they were when they hadn't even talked about their loss. They had both dealt with it separately and she knew neither of them were over it, she knew they needed to grieve together but again she was unsure of whether that would happen, she was unsure of whether they were capable of really opening up to each other anymore.

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**AN: Thanks for reading and to all the wonderful reviews so far. **

**I think I gave you quite a good clue as to what happened and don't worry I am thinking of writing flashbacks to explain everything fully. In the meantime I would love to read your thoughts on this chapter :)**


	5. Better in time

**Chapter 5 – Better in time**

Sitting in a chair looking around at the mess that was the house he was currently living in Lucas decided to clean all the beer cans and food cartons away. He knew he had relied on alcohol far too much for the last few months but it wasn't because he was addicted to the substance, in fact he hadn't had a drink for a few days now and he was doing just fine, no it was his way of drowning out the pain. Getting drunk allowed him to forget for a few hours, and those few hours of feeling numb and free of pain were a blessing during this tough time. However, he had now realised how much that had cost him, he lost his wife and his daughter had suffered, so from now on he had promised himself that he wouldn't rely on it anymore. The only problem with that was he thought about everything a whole lot more. With no job and nothing to occupy him since Anna was at school he no longer had an escape from the pain. He finally had to deal with it and it was killing him inside, in fact it made him think about how Peyton coped because he sure as hell didn't help at the time.

No matter what he did, whether that be watching television, reading a book, fixing some lunch his thoughts always drifted off to that fatal day. The day he wished never existed, the day he wished he could have changed something, the day he wished he could just forget.

_It was a sunny day not a single cloud in the sky. Everyone had been over for a barbeque the previous night and now Peyton was clearing away all the empty bottles and plates. She had been stressed lately, everything had been getting on top of her and she felt tired all the time but she was so naturally independent and hated people treating her differently, after all she wasn't sick._

_He approached her from behind lovingly wrapping his arms around her waist. "Peyton I'll do that, you need your rest you heard what the doctor said"_

"_Lucas I'm fine"_

"_No you're not look at you"_

"_What is that supposed to mean?" she said angrily, her hormones taking over._

"_I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that you're beautiful its just…you need to take it easy you are working too hard and you look tired…just let me do that" he said taking the plastic bag from her hands and continuing with the task._

_She smiled, she knew he was right she did feel a little tired but she didn't want her husband to have to do everything. She pecked him softly on the lips thanking him. "I love you"_

"_I love you too now please rest"_

"_Okay" she replied whilst making her way into the lounge to get comfortable on the sofa. She was sound asleep in a matter of minutes._

He shook his head trying so hard to rid the thoughts from his mind. He didn't want to think about it, he hated the fact that no matter what he or anyone did that day would forever haunt him. Not being able to stand being in the house any longer Lucas grabbed his jacket and basketball heading to a place he hadn't been in a while; the river court.

Meanwhile Peyton was at Brooke's house relaying everything that had happened between her and Lucas a few nights ago. She couldn't help but cry, the emotions getting the best of her. She felt conflicted, her heart wanting one thing, her head telling her the complete opposite. The brunette did her best to console her heartbroken friend just like she always did in a time of crisis. It's what made them such good friends, it's what made them the best of friends since they were eight years old, it's what made their bond so strong even now when they were both twenty six; their same love for one another remained a constant in both of their lives. The fact that they would both drop everything to comfort and support one another just showed how strong their friendship actually was.

"Isn't this what you wanted Peyton?" Brooke asked softly stroking her distraught friend's curls but she received no response. "I mean isn't that why you kicked him out of the house because you wanted him to change" she added trying to get her to open up.

Peyton pulled out of the brunettes loving arms before speaking "I know I should be happy and a big part of me is…he's been making a real effort its just…I…we still haven't talked about it and he tried the other night but I just couldn't…its too painful and" the blonde said unable to finish her sentence as more tears fell from her saddened green eyes.

"Shhh" the brunette said soothingly pulling her back into the embrace.

"Why did this have to happen to us Brooke? I mean we're good people…we didn't deserve this"

"I don't know sweetie. Sometimes bad things happen to good people"

Peyton nodded as Brooke continued to embrace her. That statement was very true but she had already had her fair share of pain and heartache. She had been shot during a school shooting, lost two mothers, been attacked by a psycho stalker twice, had her heart broken numerous times; she couldn't understand why for once the world couldn't just leave her alone. Why couldn't she just be happy for once? Why couldn't she live the normal and happy lifestyle? Why did she always have to experience pain? She knew there was no answer to these endless questions; it was the life she had been dealt and she had to live with it and make the best out of what she had been given.

Twenty minutes had passed and Lucas had finally reached his destination: the river court. Otherwise known as his second home whilst growing up, the place where he did his thinking, his healing, and the place that allowed him to forget his life and just enjoy the game he held such a passion for.

He dribbled the basketball along the court trying his best to let the game consume him like it used to. He went to shoot a three throw but the ball never went through the net like it normally would, instead it bounced off the metal rim and back onto the ground before rolling off the court and into the grass. This cycle went on for thirty minutes, every time Lucas would go to make a shot it would miss. He couldn't understand why this was happening, he was an excellent basketball player, and he rarely missed a shot yet for some reason today he couldn't get into the game. He tried his hardest; basketball was always his release, his way to deal with his problems yet for some reason his mind couldn't focus on the game. Anger and frustration ran through his veins as he violently threw the ball into the air not caring where it ended up. He tried to control his rapid breathing; he ran his hands through his hair and fell to the ground as the very thing he had been trying to forget filled his mind once again.

"_Lucas come quick!"_

_A breathless Lucas ran from the kitchen into the living room where his wife was sitting._

"_What's wrong?" he asked worriedly._

"_Nothing…its…its kicking" she said with a bright smile on her face._

_He smiled back at her before placing his hands on her stomach to feel the sensation. This wasn't the first time their unborn child had kicked but it was definitely the strongest one yet, and every time he or she did kick it was still an amazing feeling for them both. "That's my boy"_

"_What makes you think its gonna be a boy?" she asked having both decided not to find out the sex of their baby wanting to wait and be surprised for the birth._

"_I don't know we've already got a beautiful girl and I've just got a feeling this one's a boy" he replied kissing her lovingly on the forehead._

_The rest of the day carried on as usual; Peyton resting under strict orders from her husband, Lucas working on his next novel and taking care of their daughter Anna._

_Then since Peyton felt better and Anna had been nothing but a good girl all day Lucas and Peyton both decided to take her to the park. It was now early evening and they were on their way back home. _

_That's when it happened. _

_They were walking along and a couple of drunk teenage boys ran into them knocking Peyton over. It was that fall that changed everything. The strong impact of the fall and the position she landed in changed everything. _

_Lucas instinctively went to the aid of his wife while the boys ran away. Anna too knelt down beside her mother making sure she was okay._

"_You alright?" he asked offering his hand to help her up._

_She grabbed onto it and he helped her onto her feet. "Yeah…I'm fine"_

"_You sure?" he asked naturally worried for his pregnant wife._

"_Yeah" she replied but then a surge of pain ran across her abdomen. She cried out slightly and clutched onto her stomach in agony._

"_Mommy" Anna cried worried and scared. Lucas took hold of the young girl's hand and squeezed it reassuringly while focusing on his wife._

"_Lucas I think something's wrong" she said in obvious pain._

"_Okay lets get home and we'll call the doctor"_

_They started moving again but another shooting pain ran across her stomach and before she knew it water surrounded her feet._

"_My waters" she gasped worried for her baby's safety. "Lucas I'm only twenty four weeks" she added frantically looking up into her husband's panic-stricken eyes._

_The rest was a blur._

_An ambulance was called, Brooke took care of Anna, and Lucas and Peyton were rushed to the hospital._

_Then it happened. _

_Their baby, their son was born premature and was one of the unlucky ones; he never made it through the night._

Tears streamed down Lucas' face as he finally came out of the haunting memory. He had blocked that day out for so long but now he could no longer hide from it and the pain was killing him.

"Lucas?"

His head snapped up at the sound of her voice. He didn't bother to wipe away his tears he just didn't care anymore.

"What are you doing here?" he asked his voice empty.

"I'm on my way home" she replied.

"Where's Anna?"

"She's staying over at Jamie's, they're having a sleep over" she said kneeling down beside him. "Lucas what…what's wrong?"

He looked her in the eyes, those same green eyes that captivated him and affected him in ways he never dreamed possible. However, they weren't the same anymore, they used to light up, they used to have a spark, a fire in them but that was lost the day their son died.

"I miss him Peyton…it hurts so much and I…I just want to turn back time you know" he whispered as more tears cascaded down his face and her heart broke for him, for herself and for their child who never got the chance to live.

She nodded her head at him and wrapped her arms tightly around his body. "I miss him too" she whispered into his ear as they both cried together for their loss, clinging onto one another wanting to feel close, wanting to ease the unbearable pain within their hearts.

They say things get easier in time and that was partially true. Time allows you to come to terms with the pain so in essence you learn to cope, you learn to carry on but that pain never entirely goes away, it is something you have to live with everyday. Peyton still carried a great amount of pain around for the two mothers she lost during her childhood and Lucas still carried pain around for the loss of Keith, his uncle who was more like a father to him, and now they both had to carry around pain for the child they lost and that hurt them more than anything else they had ever faced or been through.

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**_AN: So there you now know what happened 4 months ago, it was a premature birth not a miscarriage. I plan on going into more detail including the birth and funeral through flashbacks in later chapters. There is also going to be another storyline thrown into the mix so keep reading!!_**

**_Anyway I hope you liked it, I will try to update again very soon!! Thank you to all the wonderful reviews so far and please let me know what you think :)_**


	6. Reconnect

**AN: I know I've been a crappy updater lately and I'm sorry. I haven't felt very inspired to write at all and I don't mean to keep my readers waiting but when I'm not inspired there isn't much I can do. I wish I could be one of those authors who update on a regular basis but unfortunately that is not the case where I'm concerned. I go through phases of serious writers block, lack of inspiration and motivation. However, I do promise to finish all of my stories and I want to thank everyone who remains patient and keeps reading. Also thank you to everyone who continues to review, your feedback is greatly appreciated. **

**I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait :) Flashbacks are in italics.**

**I'm hoping the new season of OTH will keep me inspired and hopefully my updates will be more frequent.**

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**Chapter 6 – Reconnect**

_Lucas sat on the cold plastic chair, his hands twitching, his thoughts on Peyton and his unborn child. The paramedics rushed her away from him as soon as they had entered the hospital. Now all he could do was sit and wait until a doctor informed him what was happening. He hated being away from her, he hated the thought of her suffering alone but there was nothing he could do. He was always the one to save her. He was her hero in every sense of the word but at this moment in time there was nothing he could do to make everything better and that alone made him feel utterly useless and a failure as her husband._

_His thoughts were interrupted when a doctor approached him._

"_Mr Scott?" he questioned._

"_Yes" he replied standing up to meet the doctor's gaze. "How is she? What's happening? Will the baby be okay?" all these questions left his mouth at a rapid rate, the worry and concern clearly etched in the tone of his voice. _

"_We've examined your wife and" the doctor paused thinking over how to best phrase what he was about to say._

"_And?" Lucas said impatiently. _

"_It seems that she has gone into premature labour"_

"_So what happens now?"_

"_We have no other option but to deliver the baby"_

"_But it will be okay right?"_

"_I'm afraid I can't say anything for certain right now. You're wife is only twenty four weeks along meaning the baby hasn't had the chance to fully develop"_

"_Are you…are you saying the baby might die?" he asked as tears glistened his fearful eyes._

"_It's a possibility but I assure you we will do everything we can to make sure that doesn't happen and babies can survive at this stage in the pregnancy. Mrs Scott is being prepped for the delivery as we speak, we have decided to deliver the baby via caesarean section, it's the safest and quickest way"_

_Lucas nodded trying his best to process all of this information._

"_Did the stress cause this?" he asked abruptly._

"_Well stress is never a good thing during pregnancy but I can safely assure you that stress was not the determining factor in your wife's early labour. The fall and the impact it had on your wife's abdomen was the main cause" the doctor replied sympathetically._

_Some time later the baby was delivered._

"_It's a boy" the doctor said while cutting the umbilical cord and handing the baby over to the nurse._

_Lucas' heart clenched at the words. It was a boy, his boy, their boy, their son. He had to be okay, he had to make it through this, it couldn't be the end for their son. He held onto his wife's hand as they waited for the tiny baby to cry but they never heard that sound._

"_Why isn't he crying?" Peyton screamed tears falling down her face as worry and panic washed over her. Lucas squeezed Peyton's hand trying to comfort her as tears rolled down his own face from the pain his wife was feeling and the continuous fear of losing his child. _

_The doctors were busy trying to clear his airway but he was so tiny it seemed impossible. After what felt like an eternity he made a small noise and both Lucas and Peyton's eyes widened in hope._

_The doctors then wheeled him away quickly._

"_Where are you taking him?" Peyton screamed as more tears continued to fall down her pale cheeks. All she wanted was to cradle her son in her loving arms and welcome him into the world but she couldn't do that and it was unbearable._

_A doctor finally acknowledged them. "Mr and Mrs Scott your son is in a critical condition and in order to save his life he has been rushed to intensive care"_

"_Will he be okay?" Lucas asked forcefully but the tone of his voice was laced with fear._

"_There are no guarantees but the next twenty four hours are critical. If he makes it through this his chances of survival will significantly increase"_

_But he never did make it through that night._

_The doctors did everything they could but he was just too tiny and undeveloped to survive. Hearing the news that he died broke both of their hearts. It was the worst moment of Lucas and Peyton's lives and everything went downhill for them from there._

She closed the door quietly behind them before leading him into the lounge. After finding Lucas in such a state at the River Court she didn't feel like she could leave him alone. He seated himself on the couch while she switched a lamp on to dimly light the darkened room. Then she sat beside him nervously fiddling with her hands as a silence washed over them.

"Can I get you anything? A drink? Something to eat?" she asked thoughtfully breaking the silence in the process.

"No…I'm fine…thank you" he replied in an empty voice refusing to make eye contact.

"Lucas talk to me"

"What do you want me to say Peyton?" he asked frustrated.

"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours" she replied raising her hand to cup his cheek, making him look at her. He relished in the physical contact leaning his face further into her soft, warm, welcoming hand closing his eyes briefly to fully absorb and cherish the feeling. It was something he had missed in the passing months and one single touch from his wife invoked so many feelings inside of him. It made him feel alive something he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Everything's such a mess" he finally said answering her question.

A mess was an understatement but she nodded her head in agreement before softly whispering, "I know"

"Let me come home Peyton please"

She wasn't expecting that. He caught her off guard with the sudden topic change in their conversation. "Lucas I"

"I want to come home" he said interrupting her, determination present in his voice.

"Its not that simple" she replied removing her hand from his cheek which in turn made him frown at the sudden loss of contact.

"Yes it is! You love me, I love you, we are husband and wife!" he exclaimed.

"But do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love me" she clarified.

"How can you even ask me that? Peyton you know I love you I always have" he replied standing up as the frustration and anger clouded over him yet again.

"You say that now but you have no idea how you made me feel!" she shouted back standing up to meet his gaze.

"God Peyton I'm sorry how many times do I have to say that?"

"You don't get it do you?"

"Obviously not"

"You blamed me Lucas! You blamed me for our son's death and you have no idea how that made me feel"

"I didn't mean it, you know that"

"It doesn't change the fact that you said it, that you thought it!"

He moved closer to her raising his hand to touch her flushed cheek "Lucas" she breathed trying to protest but he interrupted her.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I know I hurt you these last few months and I'd do anything to take it back…I'm sorry" he said as he continued to caress her face with his hand all the while his gaze focused solely on her lips.

She knew what was coming and she wanted so badly to stop him, to stay strong but it was never that simple, not when it came to Lucas Scott because the feelings she held for this man were undeniable and most of the time out of her control.

He took a hold of her hand and brought it to his lips placing delicate, loving kisses to her fingers making her momentarily close her eyes wanting to lose herself in the sentiment.

"Don't" she whispered opening her eyes trying to gain some self control but she knew she was fighting a losing battle.

"Please Peyton" he whispered, the vulnerability and desperation evident in his voice. He just wanted to be with her, to feel close to her again, it had been far too long and for once he just wanted them both to feel something other than pain. They had become so disconnected with one another, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to change that and reconnect with her on all levels.

Focusing in on her lips again Lucas bravely moved his head closer to hers closing the distance between them until their lips finally met. She didn't push him away, in fact she responded with just as much need and want as he did. The passion overtook them both as Peyton snaked her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. Lucas slid his tongue into her warm, welcoming mouth moaning at the feeling he had so desperately been seeking. His hands roamed her body as the urge to be with her completely washed over him. He pulled the jacket off of her shoulders; the garment fell to the floor as they both continued getting lost in one another.

When air became an issue Peyton broke away from the kiss and stared into his crystal blue eyes. "We…um…we really shouldn't do this" she finally said trying to think rationally but for some reason she couldn't remove herself from his arms. It was a place that always made her feel safe, secure and loved; she had yearned to feel that way again. Not to mention his eyes, those blue orbs that captivated her in every way imaginable, that drew her in. She really wasn't ready to lose the physical contact they were engaged in right now. She had missed and desperately craved it for months.

"No" he agreed but also made no effort to distance himself away from her. He stared into her eyes searching for a sign to continue but before he could even think about his next move she grabbed his face and pulled his lips to hers in a very passionate and extremely heated frenzy.

She impatiently pulled at his jacket and he shrugged his shoulders out of it making it fall to the floor. He hurriedly backed her up against the wall her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as they continued crashing their lips together relishing in the feeling of one another. His lips eventually found her neck causing her to moan out in pleasure. The sound made him smile against her neck; he loved the effect he had on his wife and he knew all of her weak spots. Wanting more of a response from her his hand slid under her top cupping her breast, rubbing and gently squeezing causing her nipple to hardened from his touch. He smiled once more before crashing his lips to hers over and over again. Their tongues duelled together, tasting, exploring and loving. He couldn't get enough of her fast enough. She ran her hands through his sandy blonde hair trying to contain herself but failing miserably as she continued to moan at the pleasurable sensation.

"Mmmmmhh Lucas" she breathed rocking her hips against him, the urge to be closer to him taking over her.

That action caused him to harden even more, his trousers starting to feel uncomfortably tight. He pushed himself closer to her warm centre wanting to rid his clothes and be inside of her so badly. With that thought running through his mind he stopped kissing her to pull her top off over her head revealing her black bra and silky soft skin. He traced her skin with his hand sending tingling sensations throughout her entire body and then he sucked above each breast causing Peyton to throw her head back in ecstasy.

Not being able to wait anymore he moved them onto the couch and hastily pulled his shirt and jeans off not caring where the articles of clothing landed. His body then covered hers as his lips got reacquainted with hers in a passionate and loving embrace. Air soon became an issue as they broke apart panting heavily. He placed his hand over her racing heart pleased that he could still have that affect on her, then he lifted her hand so she could feel his own racing heart beat before whispering, "I love you"

She didn't respond verbally but he could see the love in her eyes. He softly pecked her on the lips before his lips descended down her neck and between her breasts trailing all the way down her stomach stopping when he reached her jeans. He expertly removed the remainder of her clothing along with his boxers. Nothing separated them any more, they were both completely naked now and the realisation of what they were doing started to sink into Peyton's doubtful mind.

"We can't do this" she breathed out heavily whilst trying to push him away.

"Peyton" he said softly staring deeply into her conflicted eyes while stroking his hands down her long luscious legs. "I love you" he added rubbing his fingers in between her warm, moist folds.

"Oh god" she replied throwing her head back. He was making it extremely difficult to think clearly. All rational thinking was being swept away as he continued to tease her hot throbbing folds.

"Tell me to stop" he whispered huskily in her ear while sinking two of his fingers deep inside of her. She moaned in response as he moved them teasingly in and out of her warm centre. "Just tell me to stop and I'll stop" he added attentively kissing her neck, sucking on her pulse point for added effect.

"God no…don't stop, don't stop" she cried out giving into the pleasure she was so obviously feeling.

He smiled at her response and looked deep into her eyes with nothing but love and adoration before removing his fingers causing her to whimper. He then positioned himself over her and laced his fingers through hers.

"I love you" he said once more before sliding into her. He groaned at the feeling and she wrapped her legs around his waist as they both started thrusting together in a mix of heated, fast, slow, hard, soft, and most importantly loving movements until the pleasure sent them both over the edge and the exhaustion overwhelmed them.

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**AN: Reviews make me happy :) **


	7. With Or Without You

**Chapter 7 – With Or Without You**

The sun shone brightly that morning, illuminating Peyton's face. Her eyes twitched a few times before they fluttered open meeting the harsh rays of sunlight shining through the windows. She groaned quietly still feeling sleepy and it took a few moments for her vision to become clear. When it did she looked around frantically realising she wasn't in her bedroom, in her warm comfy bed, but instead she was on the uncomfortable floor of her lounge with a thin blanket draped across her naked body.

She started to move but then felt the arm wrapped around her waist, which caused her to freeze momentarily as she pondered over why she was lying on the floor naked with Lucas. She turned her head and saw her husband fast asleep beside her. The events of the previous night came flooding back and she sighed because this wasn't how things were supposed to happen. She loved her husband, she really did but this wasn't supposed to happen and if she could take it back she would. She raised her hand to his face and gently traced the outline of his cheeks and jaw. She smiled slightly as she took in his peaceful face; he always was beautiful, so beautiful that she could stare at him forever.

After a few more moments of taking in her husband's good looks Peyton carefully removed his arm from around her torso and grabbed the closest article of clothing she could find. She pulled it over her head and quickly made her way into the kitchen. It was Luke's shirt. She momentarily thought about changing but then marvelled at the feeling of wearing his clothes again, of having his scent on her. It was like old times, like it used to be and the smile on her face soon turned into a frown as she realised how drastically things had changed for them.

She contemplated making some coffee but decided against it and made her way up the stairs into a room she hadn't set foot in for quite some time. It was supposed to be their son's room. It was painted a pale green since they were unsure of the gender at the time. She traced her fingers across the white crib before she settled onto the rocking chair. She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth a few times. She thought about him, about what she had lost, about how different things would have been if he had lived. She knew for a fact Lucas would have spoiled him. He always did want a son. A sad smile framed her face as she came out of her haunting thoughts.

She slowly made her way to the set of drawers, drawers that she never got to fill with her baby's belongings. Bending down Peyton opened the bottom drawer. She pulled out a white box and seated herself on the floor. Her hands trembled as they lingered over the lid. After a few moments she opened the box up and her eyes fixated on the contents inside.

A tear slipped down her face as she pulled out the ultrasound picture and stared at what _was_ her growing son. She wondered what he would look like now, what his smile would look like, whether his blue eyes would be just like his fathers? It was killing her inside to think of these things. In the passing months she had remained strong, she had focused on Anna and her record label instead of grieving. Yes she had cried for him, but she knew she wasn't anywhere close to being over it. She always tried to block everything out; she hated thinking of the day she lost him. It was such a traumatic experience; the feeling of having her son, her flesh and blood ripped away from her still plagued her dreams at night. She couldn't forget no matter how much she wanted to. She was always wishing to turn back time, wishing she could have changed things somehow but she knew it wasn't possible.

Peyton was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't hear him enter the room and sit beside her. It wasn't until he rested his hand on her shoulder that she snapped out of her thoughts and met his eyes. He looked at the ultrasound photograph in her hands and gave her a sad smile.

"He would have been a few weeks old now…if he was born on time that is" he said softly and she nodded her head in response before looking back down.

He placed a kiss to the side of her face and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She pulled away quickly and stood up. He frowned at her sudden coldness.

"Peyton don't shut me out not now, not after…after everything" he said standing up to meet her eyes.

"Last night was"

He could sense what she was going to say so he interrupted her before she could continue "the best night of my life in a very long time and I know you felt the same way Peyton."

"It shouldn't have happened Lucas" she said objecting.

"Yes it should, you love me and I love you."

"You should go" she replied.

"God Peyton don't do this. I did everything you wanted, I'm me again and I love you and Anna with my whole heart."

"I just…I can't deal with this right now" she said rushing out of the room.

Lucas ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He didn't know what to do anymore. He was trying his hardest to deal with the loss of his son and to be the person Peyton and Anna needed but it just didn't seem enough.

She ran to her bedroom and pulled his shirt from her body. She hastily pulled some of her own clothes from her wardrobe and quickly got dressed. A few tears slipped from her eyes; going into what would have been their son's room this morning had been too much for her to handle – hence her emotional breakdown. She felt guilty for pulling away from Lucas, she knew he was really trying but for some reason she didn't feel like she was ready to take that step to let him back in. She couldn't deal with more pain right now and letting Lucas back in was a risk.

After an awkward goodbye with Lucas, Peyton called Haley asking when Anna would be back. However, Anna and Jamie were happy playing in the pool so she wouldn't be home for a while. Peyton was slightly disappointed by this because she had nothing to do for the day. She wasn't needed at work, the house was clean, there really wasn't anything for her to do and having nothing to do only caused her to think about Lucas and how she hadn't been very fair to him.

Not being able to deal with the empty and deadly silent house Peyton grabbed her car keys and headed to the one person she could always count on; Brooke Davis.

The curly blonde entered clothes over bros to find Brooke rearranging some of her clothes.

"Hey best friend" the brunette said gesturing her over to the comfy chairs.

They both sat down and a silence loomed over them. Peyton didn't know what to say, she was contemplating over whether telling Brooke what happened was wise or not.

"Peyton what's going on?" she asked gently placing her hand on the blonde's knee.

"Nothing" she replied a little too unconvincingly for the brunette to believe.

"Come on Peyton I can tell something is up now spill."

"Lucas and I slept together last night" she said quickly hoping Brooke wouldn't hear properly but she did and her eyes widened in shock.

"Why are you here, shouldn't you be with Lucas making up for lost time?" she asked with a smile. She was waiting for Lucas and Peyton to get their act together after the last few months they had been through.

"Its not that simple Brooke…it shouldn't have happened" she replied sadly.

"Yes it should Peyton and I know you know I'm right" she said with a smile.

Peyton sighed; she never could lie to Brooke. "I'm scared" she whispered, the vulnerability present in her voice.

Brooke smiled sympathetically and then took the blonde's trembling hands into her own. "He's Lucas and he loves you and Anna more than anything, there is nothing to be scared about."

"I just…I don't know if I can take anymore heartache right now."

"Peyton stop making up excuses" Brooke said firmly shocking Peyton slightly. "I'm sorry its just…Lucas loves you, he has done everything you wanted…he won't hurt you again you have to believe that and open your heart back up" she added in a softer tone. "Just follow your heart Peyton."

They shared a comforting embrace and Peyton thanked her for everything before leaving. She drove around for a while trying to clear her head. She knew Brooke was right, she knew she had to let Lucas back in before it was too late and there was nothing left.

After a while she ended up at his house, well his mother's house. She sat in her car for a few moments. Her hands were shaking from the nerves she was feeling. After taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself she made her way to the door and knocked lightly a few times.

While she waited for an answer the nerves seemed to get worse and all she wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. However, before she could turn to move the door opened and she was face to face with him.

He looked hurt and angry. She couldn't blame him; she had been pushing him away for a while. It was only natural that he would feel this way.

"Hey" she said timidly.

He didn't speak and the nerves she was trying to keep under control kept getting worse.

"Can we talk?" she asked after receiving no response.

Again he didn't speak but he did gesture her to 'come in' which made her feel a little better.

Silence loomed over them as Peyton tried to think over in her mind how best to say what she wanted to say.

"So you wanted to talk?" he asked after the silence became too much for him to bear.

"Yeah…Lucas I'm sorry about this morning I…" she trailed off unsure of what to say.

"You what?" he asked getting more frustrated by the minute.

"I didn't mean to push you away I'm just scared" she replied sadly.

His anger melted away at her confession. She sounded so vulnerable and all he wanted to do was be there for her.

"Why?" he asked feeling a little confused and nervous at what her response could be.

"I don't know…I just…I love you so much and I'm scared to let you back in because if I do I know I won't be able to cope without you again."

He nodded his head understanding but instead of speaking he walked closer to her and pulled her lips to his. He kissed her softly with nothing but love and her fears melted away. The kiss wasn't demanding, it was a simple touch of his lips to hers conveying everything that she meant to him.

"You won't have to cope without me. I want us to be the family we used to be. You and Anna are everything to me…there's just no life without you. You have nothing to be scared of Peyton."

She smiled at him. He was too good to her and she knew she had to stop letting her fears hold her back. She had to fight for them like he had. She had to take a step forward with him and get back to what they used to be.

"I love you so much" she said as tears spilled from her eyes. "Last night was amazing…I'm so sorry for everything" she added as more tears fell down her cheeks.

He affectionately wiped them away with the pad of his thumb and stared deep into her beautiful green eyes. They weren't so hollow anymore, the emotion was there and he smiled because he loved this woman with all his heart and he was happy she was letting him in again.

"I'm sorry too" he said with so much conviction that she couldn't stop herself from smiling.

She pulled his face to hers and kissed him with everything she had. She wanted him to know that she never stopped loving him, she never stopped wanting him and more importantly she never stopped needing him. When air became an issue their lips parted but their foreheads remained touching.

"I'm ready to fight for this family again" she whispered and he smiled in response. Things were definitely looking up for once.

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**AN: Hope you liked the update. As you can see LP are back together but they do still have things to work through and like I have previously stated something else is going to happen later in the story.**

**Thanks for reading, please review :)**


	8. Keep Holding On

_**AN: Thanks for the reviews so far. Here is the next chapter :) Flashbacks are in italics.**_

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**Chapter 8 – Keep Holding On**

Sometimes life knocks you down. Sometimes it is so bad you feel like you may never get back up again. That is how Lucas and Peyton had felt for what seemed like an eternity. Ever since they lost their son they had been going through the motions, consumed with a pain so intense that they didn't even feel like they were living.

They were on the road to healing now; they had finally learned to lean on one another and to stop trying to face everything alone. The pain was still there of course. It would always be there in some form, there would always be that ache in their hearts, the thoughts of what could have been but they no longer let it eat away at them to such a major degree. The pain had been so much it had almost destroyed their marriage and their family; neither of them would let that happen again, there was too much to lose.

"I missed this" she whispered breaking the comfortable silence they had been immersed in for the last thirty minutes.

They were currently laid down on top of his bed, in his bedroom from high school. His arms were wrapped securely around her fragile frame as she drew imaginary circles over his steady beating heart.

"Me too" he softly replied while breathing in her scent, a smile forming his lips at the familiarity.

They had spent the afternoon just being with each other. Relishing in the feeling of being back together, opening up to each other about their fears and their pain. It was what they needed in order to move forward and after months of feeling closed off and bitter they had finally taken that crucial step and both opened up to the one that they loved with all their hearts.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me" he said regretfully.

"Its okay" she replied. Yes she had needed him but she understood the pain he was feeling. It's the sort of pain that completely takes over you, you don't think as much about others because the pain is so severe that it is **all** you can feel.

"No its not."

"Lucas" she said sitting up trying to object. She didn't want him to feel guilty; she didn't want him to feel lesser than he was.

"No Peyton I'm your husband and I should have been there. Don't try to make up excuses for me. I was wrong, I was selfish and I admit that."

"I did need you but you weren't selfish Lucas, you were in pain."

"So were you" he countered.

"Exactly so I know how you were feeling."

He nodded his head but the thoughts of him failing her and Anna still lingered in his mind.

"I just wished I handled things differently" he said after a few moments of silence.

"So do I" she replied sadly looking down.

"Hey" he said gently guiding her face to meet his. "It wasn't your fault. I know I said some hurtful things but none of them were true."

"Sometimes I just can't help thinking that if I wasn't so stressed none of this would've happened."

"You've got it all wrong sweetie" he said lovingly stroking her arm up and down before continuing. "When we were in the hospital I asked the doctor whether the stress caused the early labour and he assured me that while stress is never good that it didn't cause you to go into labour, it was the impact of the fall. I know I blamed it on you Peyton but I didn't mean it. The truth is I couldn't understand why it had happened to us and I needed someone to blame. I'm just sorry I took it out on you."

Tears were falling from her eyes at what he had said. Deep down she knew she wasn't to blame but a big part of her had felt responsible. Hearing Lucas say the opposite made her feel that much better.

Lucas raised his hand and wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. He hated to see her cry, he hated the thought of her in pain, she was everything to him and he would stop at nothing to make her happy.

"I love you" she whispered before crashing her lips to his in a passionate kiss symbolising the start of a new chapter in their lives, symbolising the forgiveness of all the pain they had caused each other and most of all symbolising the love and connection they had always and would always feel towards one another.

Once the kiss broke they both smiled at each other happy to have made such significant progress in their relationship.

"Come on" he said grabbing her hand and pulling her up from the bed.

"Where are we going?" she asked confused at his abruptness.

"Someplace we should have gone together a long time ago."

She wasn't entirely sure what he meant but she followed him nonetheless. They walked the streets of Tree Hill hand in hand feeling happier than they had felt in a long time.

_It was a sunny day, not a single cloud in the sky. It was the perfect weather for picnics, for family outings and holidays. It was the perfect day for most but for Lucas and Peyton it was the complete opposite._

_To them it should have been raining; the sky should have been grey and gloomy to reflect their feelings, even a violent storm seemed appropriate. The fact that the day was so bright and sunny made everything so much harder to comprehend._

_Of course it was the funeral._

_The day they said goodbye to their son and buried him. It was the day both of them had been dreading ever since the doctor told them their son had died. Neither of them wanted to accept it. Neither of them could understand how it was fair for a child so small and innocent to be taken from them. Neither of them could see a way forward from the darkness they were currently in._

_It was a small ceremony. Only their closest family and friends were present. Deb looked after Jamie and Anna after it being decided that a funeral wasn't the place for children so young. Nathan, Haley, Brooke, Karen, Andy, Skillz and Mouth were all present. They stood in the second and third row behind the grieving parents. Lucas and Peyton held onto one another's hands as silent tears streamed down their cheeks._

_The vicar spoke about life, about losing a loved one; about going on to a better place but neither Lucas or Peyton could take those words in. Their eyes were solely fixated on the small white coffin in front of them. It was so tiny, it just didn't seem right that a person so young, so small was about to be buried._

_Moments later and the coffin was being lowered into the ground. That's when Peyton finally broke down. She hated the thought of her baby boy being put in the ground. It wasn't the place for a child, it was dark and scary and all Peyton wanted to do was cradle her boy in her arms and to keep him safe from danger. She fell to her knees and sobbed wanting nothing more than to stop it all. Lucas fell down beside her and they held onto one another as they uncontrollably cried together._

_Their friend's and family cried too. It was unbearable to see two people they loved so greatly in such agonising pain._

_It truly was a devastating day and it would never and could never be forgotten._

He pushed open the heavy iron gates and was about to walk in when he noticed that Peyton was frozen in her footsteps obviously nervous about where they were headed.

He gently took a hold of her hand and pulled her with him. "Its okay" he whispered.

"I just…I haven't been here in a long time" she replied.

"I know…neither have I but we owe it to him and to ourselves."

She nodded in response before hesitantly following him through the quiet grounds until they reached a small headstone. He kneeled down and traced the outline of their son's name with his fingertips. Peyton smiled sadly before sitting beside him.

_William Keith Scott._

_Beloved Son and Brother._

"Hi baby" Peyton whispered as the tears ran down her cheeks. She too placed her hand on the gravestone and closed her eyes trying to picture her son in her mind.

"We miss you" Lucas said after a few moments of silence.

Tears were running down his face too. It was the first time he had been here since the funeral. After the funeral everything had gotten too much for Lucas to handle, hence the alcohol and closing himself off from the people he loved. He regretted the way he dealt with things every day but he knew he couldn't go back and change it so he focused on the present time.

"Every single day" Peyton added placing a comforting hand on her husband's back.

"You shouldn't have been taken from us baby boy…but…but we know you're safe…in heaven with your grandmother's…and your grandfather" Lucas said referring to Peyton's two mothers and to Keith.

They remained seated in front of his grave for quite some time. Tears were shed, words were spoken and Lucas and Peyton grieved together for their loss. They said, "I love you" and "Goodbye" before getting up to leave. Peyton kissed two of her fingertips and placed them on top of the headstone before taking hold of Luke's hand and walking away.

It had definitely been hard. All those old wounds came rushing back, it felt like it had just happened yesterday but it was also needed. Lucas and Peyton needed that experience; they needed to be able to talk to their son, to visit him, let him know that he wasn't forgotten and that they would always love him. It was all a part of the grieving process and gaining the acceptance that he was really gone.

"I want you to move back home" she said breaking the silence.

They were back on the streets now walking hand in hand heading back to their home and she realised she hadn't actually asked him to return when she really should have.

"Really?" he asked his face lighting up. He had missed his family immensely and wanted nothing more than to have them back.

"Really" she replied squeezing his hand gently and leaning into his side. He placed a kiss to the side of her head as they made their way back home.

"Anna is going to be so excited, she's missed you…we both have" Peyton said as they entered the house.

"I've missed you both too. When is our princess coming home anyway?"

"I'll phone Haley now and ask her to bring her home."

They both made their way to the phone but before Peyton dialled she noticed the red flashing light informing her that she had a new message. She pressed the play button and heard Nathan's distraught voice.

"Peyton I've tried calling but there was no answer…its Anna…she's…she's in the hospital."

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**_AN: Cliffhanger!! lol sorry about that but I'll try to get the next chapter up very soon. In the meantime your reviews would be greatly appreciated :)_**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: This isn't an update so sorry for everyone who thought it was but I'm basically putting this up because I'm not sure when I am going to update again. **

**I just got a really negative review (See below) and while I do appreciate constructive criticism this was just plain rude and quite upsetting. I have never claimed to be the best writer but I thought I was doing okay. Anyway I know I shouldn't let this get to me but it has put me on a downer in terms of continuing to write.**

**Review:**

_**"OMG! I had to make an account just to tell you how bad this story is! It is so unrealistic, poorly written, out of character, radical feminist etc etc etc it is painful to me. I wish I could erase the time I spent reading it or ever getting a glimpse of what a pathetic writer you are. OK now that I got that out of my system,  
Try researcher how children really talk and how men really behave. Just because you like a character, don't neglect your other ones. Also, more description is needed in between dialogue. Thats my basics for constructive criticism for you. Good luck and maybe just quit."**_

**Anyway to all my readers and reviewers thankyou for your support and I WILL finish this story but for the time being I think I'm going to take a short break.**


	10. Can't Take It

_AN: Okay so firstly I want to apologise for the long wait. I meant to get this up sooner but writers block plagued me and then I was busy with preparations for Xmas, assignments for Uni, etc._

_I want to thank everyone for the encouragement after that negative review. After thinking things over I realised that you were all right and I shouldn't let one comment stop me from doing something I enjoy._

_Anyway here is the next chapter, my apologies once again for the wait._

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**Chapter 9 – Can't Take It**

"_Peyton I've tried calling but there was no answer...its Anna...she...she's in the hospital." _

Hearing Nathan's distraught and frantic voice sounding through the answering machine made Lucas and Peyton both freeze in fear and shock.

They had just had an amazing day together, and things were finally looking up for them until now. In one moment everything came crashing back down.

Peyton didn't move. She felt as though every ounce of happiness and restored hope had been drained from her body. She couldn't comprehend the idea of losing her daughter, she was everything to her. She was the person who got her through the pain of losing their son, who made her life worth living when it was being torn apart.

Lucas tensed in fear; this was his precious little girl, his princess. He was her father, the person who is supposed to love and protect her from the cruelties of the world yet he couldn't protect her from this. He didn't even know what had happened, or how bad it was but he could hear the distinct concern in his brother's voice which was more than enough to make him worry like hell. All he could think about was getting to his baby girl. He didn't want her to be alone and scared, he needed to see her, to tell her he loved her......he needed to save her.

With those thoughts running through his mind he broke the silence.

"Peyton we have to go" he said grabbing her hand to pull her with him but she didn't move. "Peyton!" he added in a louder, panic filled voice.

But she said nothing. Instead she remained still in her position staring at the phone in front of her.

"Peyton come on" Lucas said again trying to urge her to follow him, wanting so badly to get to his daughter.

"I can't do this" Peyton whispered in response as a lone tear fell down her face.

"Yes you can." Lucas replied placing both hands onto her shoulders and staring into her sorrowful eyes. "She needs us Peyton."

"I...I'm scared. The last time...the last time we were in the hospital we lost William...I...I can't lose Anna too" she replied through sobs.

Seeing his wife break down in front of him caused Lucas' own heart to break. She had been through so much pain and suffering, they both had and all he wanted was for his family to be safe and happy...like they used to be.

He pulled a distraught Peyton into his arms and whispered soothing words into her ear in hopes of calming her down. He held her close, with a firm and reassuring grip letting her know he was there for her. She cried into his shoulder and he could feel her hot tears soaking through his thin cotton shirt but he didn't care, this was his wife and he would do anything for her. A big part of him wanted so desperately to get to the hospital but he knew he had to calm Peyton down first; he couldn't leave her alone like this.

Moments later and her sobs began to steady and turn into sniffles. He gently pulled her head out of his chest and wiped the remaining tears from her face. He placed a kiss to her forehead and whispered softly "We have to go."

She nodded her head in response coming to terms with the reality of the situation.

"It will be okay Peyton" he added after seeing the apprehension in her eyes.

"You don't know that" she replied solemnly.

"She's strong baby and this time I'll be here" he said with conviction wanting her to know that he would support her, that whatever was ahead of them he would be there, his running days were over.

No more words were spoken. They both left the house together to go to the place they never wanted to have to set foot in again; the hospital. The place where Lucas and Peyton had lost people they truly cared about.

The drive was quiet, the car laced heavily with tension. Their thoughts were solely on their beloved daughter. Questions raced through both of their minds; _'what had happened?' 'was it bad?' 'was she okay?' 'was she afraid?' 'in pain?' 'all of the above?'_ It was unbearable for them both but neither of them could rid the thoughts from their minds.

Peyton stared out of the window distantly. She was hoping this was some big nightmare but she knew it wasn't, this was reality, her twisted reality and she couldn't escape from it no matter how much she wanted to. She tried to think of anything to relieve the pain in her heart. She tried to focus on something, anything that would take her mind away from her thoughts of Anna suffering but those attempts were futile.

Lucas focused on driving but his thoughts kept drifting to Anna. He was trying to be strong for Peyton but deep down he was scared to death. He didn't know what had happened, or what condition his daughter was in and that terrified him. He glanced over at Peyton from time to time and his heart broke, she was so desperately trying to hold herself together but it was no secret that she was falling apart. He rested one hand on hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze hoping that he was helping even if by only a small amount.

She looked over at him and tried to smile to let him know she was grateful but the best she could manage was a half smile that looked more like a grimace. He sadly returned the gesture before turning his attention back to the road.

Ten minutes later and they arrived. Lucas parked in the first place he could find and then they both rushed through the entrance until they got to the front desk.

"Our daughter was brought in...Anna Scott" Lucas said gasping slightly from the fast pace he had previously been moving at.

"If you'd like to take a seat I'll get a doctor" the receptionist replied.

"No!" Lucas replied in a raised voice the impatience and worry washing over him. "I want to see her now. How is she? What has happened?"

Before the receptionist could respond Lucas and Peyton heard their names being called. They turned around to see Nathan. Peyton let go of her husband's hand and rushed over to her brother in law. "What happened Nate? How's Anna?"

"There was an accident?"

"What kind of accident?" Lucas asked his patience wearing thin and the worry evidently showing in the tone of his voice.

"There was..." Nathan said his voice drifting off as he looked between the two feeling absolutely terrible for them. This was the last thing they needed after what they had been through. However, seeing the concern in both of their eyes he quickly continued. "There's been a car accident."

Tears spilled from Peyton eyes. She couldn't handle any more. Her mother had died in a car accident, she didn't know what she would do if she lost Anna the same way.

"Who was driving? What happened?" Lucas asked needing more information. He wanted Nathan to tell him it was only minor, that his daughter was lucky and wasn't in any immediate danger but now staring into his brother's eyes he saw the complete opposite.

"Haley was driving. She...she was taking her home because she wanted you." he replied turning his attention to Peyton.

"Haley did this?" Peyton questioned in disbelief. The two had had a rocky friendship ever since she lost William, as things deteriorated between Lucas and Peyton Haley took Lucas' side on everything and things went downhill from there.

"It was an accident" Nathan reminded her not wanting Haley to be hated for something she couldn't control.

"Answer the question Nathan" Peyton replied as the anger started to take over.

"Yes okay Haley was driving but it wasn't her fault, a drunk driver ran a red light and there was nothing Haley could do."

She remained silent as the realisation that this wasn't Haley's fault settled in and washed over her. She so desperately wanted someone to blame, she needed someone to be responsible for this but she knew that that person was not Haley.

"Where is Haley?" Lucas questioned breaking the silence.

"She's getting stitches for a couple of cuts" Nathan replied and waited nervously for the next question he knew was coming.

"What about Anna? How is she Nate?"

"She's in surgery" he breathed out and the tears both Lucas and Peyton had been fighting back cascaded down their cheeks as the thought of their little girl being operated on filled their minds.

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**Thanks for reading, reviews are very much appreciated.**

**Hope everyone has a great Christmas!!**


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